Random thoughts about my sobriety

I guess you could say that alcoholism feels like a close friend...it feels like home. My father, father's uncle, maternal grandfather, maternal grandmother and mother's uncles were alcoholics. Both sides of my family had their share of issues. It would make sense that I too would have my share of problems with it...genetic predisposition. Alcoholism was a familiar friend that was always hanging around me. My father's best friend owned the local bar and, at age 9, he would take me to the bar. I would sit at the bar drinking Cokes and watching him "pool shark" guys. He was an excellent pool player and it was a quick way to get money for alcohol. Then he would drive home drunk with me in the car. Life with my father was going from one wild house party to the next. Eventually, my father started letting me drink at age 13. This was because his drinking buddy had a 14 year old daughter and he allowed her to drink. His friends thought it was cute to have me light their cigarettes for them and I became hooked on those as well. I even ended up getting caught with a pack at school in 8th grade.
 

Without going into a long story let's just say that I fought it and overcame my demons. I remember how as selfish as it sounds, my friends did not want me to quit. Suddenly, the sober me felt like my friends and I didn't have much in common. It was a strange feeling and I didn't feel like myself... alcohol had been a part of my identity. It was my comfort and a friend I could count on when I felt pain. I ended up having to end friendships and learn to cope with my emotions rather than drink them away. One of the last conversations that validated I had to move on was when a friend asked "come on, you cant have just one?' "NO! Don't you understand?? I'm an alcoholic and I cant drink anymore!" I yelled.
 

How am I today? With years of sobriety under my belt, I finally have enough self control that I can be the sober person at the party. I can be the sober friend who is around others who are drinking. It's funny sometimes because people who know my story often feel awkward drinking around me. I tell them to relax because I am fine. Believe me if I wasn't, I would remove myself from the situation.