I want...

 

Look what scares you in the face...

"Look what scares you in the face and try to understand it. Empathy, I have learned, is revolutionary." - Jane Fonda 

Lost souls trying to find their way

I want to ask that you stay humble. Be patient with those trying to find their way. Always leave a guiding light in your heart on for them. Anticipate that they will find their way home through the storm...eventually.  Remember that you too were once lost and struggling to keep your head above water in an seemingly endless sea.  Never give up on them.

- Peace for the Tortured Soul

Hitting rock bottom and climbing your way to the top

There you lay at the bottom of a deep, dark pit of despair.  You have never felt so down and so low.  This is it... you have hit "rock bottom." You know that this is IT. There comes a time when those who are struggling find themselves at what society calls rock bottom. Years of depression, struggles, traumatic events...they all have potential to drag you into that deep, dark pit. Then before you know it there you are at the lowest point in your life.

Now as bleak as this sounds some do not make it out.  You have two sides to the story.  Those who hit rock bottom sometimes choose an out.  That out is suicide.  Heartbreaking for those who lost their way. Then others who hit rock bottom choose life. What drives someone at the very edge to crawl their way out of a seemingly never ending pit? I can speak from personal experience and I will tell you what...the will to live. I can remember so clearly the feeling, that tiny voice inside me screaming. I did not know it at that time, but it was my soul crying out.

Why do some make it out and some not?  Perhaps there was a bigger plan for those dear souls. Can anyone really answer that question? All I can say is that I am here.  I AM ALIVE. When the chips were stacked against me I somehow made it. I have been to hell and back and from it learned empathy.

I feel that healing cannot start until you have hit that low. You have to live it and feel it and see it. You have to want to get out of that pit and never return to it again. Now the real work begins. Blood, sweat and tears. A journey into self discovery. Accept that you need guidance and seek out that guidance whether it be psychiatric help, group therapy, books, message boards, online communities or just telling a friend or family member how you feel. You may just happen to find yourself 14 years later writing a blog about your experiences of hitting rock bottom and finding your way to the top. 

Awakening, signs and self discovery

I was raised with no religion.  Growing up I did not have a belief system and I was ok with that because it was all that I knew. 

 

Initially, when I had my awakening it started with a series of events that happened over two years time.  At first I disregarded, made excuses and ignored certain signs. As time passed and certain people were being placed in my path I started to question a lot of things. By the end of the year I realized what the purpose was of all those people that randomly came into my life with similar messages.  This was no coincidence. 

 

Often when one is awakened it starts like a door has been cracked open.  Soon the door opens more and more and then you have a snowball effect.  The more the door opens the more you start to notice signs that you wouldn't have noticed otherwise.  This is what I mean when I say "awakening." Soon you feel like you are living life and thinking on a whole other level.  I call it the next level. 

 

I felt robbed at first...robbed of being not being able to see the world in such a new and beautiful light all these years.  The various people who came into my life planted a seed.  It was up to me to feed and water that seed.  At first, I was not ready as so many are.  Sometimes it can take years to fully become aware and accept that you are having an awakening. 

 

Recently, I spoke with an old friend and he explained that he was in a dead end relationship, depressed, having problems with high blood pressure and going down a path which he felt was leading to alcoholism. A visit to the dentist office ended with the dentist saying that he must be under a great deal of stress because he was grinding his teeth in his sleep.  Apparently grinding to the point that he needed a lot of dental work because of it.  He is what I would call a "people pleaser." He is full of kindness, empathy, love and helping others.  Often in his past he has encountered blood sucking opportunists who used him. He admits that he is kind and generous to a fault. He has been dating and living with a women who stifled his creative and eccentric nature.  To the extent that if she felt he was rambling and talking to much she would tell him to stop talking. She had suggested that if he met someone and wanted to have relations on the side he could.  She had crashed and totaled her car some years ago and had been driving his car since the accident.  He had brought up to her over the years that she needed to look for a new car, but she continued to drive his car.

 

Many years ago I knew him as a creative, free thinking individual.  Now he is shell of who he once was.  He is currently working on his self worth and his own awakening.  He thought he was ready to move forward and change.  He even went so far as to end his dead end relationship and guess what...within a few weeks she went out and purchased a new car.  Initially, his ex asked to stay with him for a month to have time to find her own apartment.  He agreed.  Now, she is still living in his apartment and he is staying in the second bedroom.  This is an example of having an awakening, but not yet being ready to accept it and change.  If you cannot be the change you wish to see then how can change happen? 

 

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”

   
― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym

What is empathy?

What is empathy? Well, in my opinion it is a gift learned over time. Not everyone knows the feeling of having empathy for another. People who have suffered a great deal in their lives know all too well the feeling of hurt, loneliness and despair.  Out of that struggle you find yourself relating to others who have been to hell and back.  For me empathy is a blessing and a curse. It is the overwhelming emotion of sadness and compassion for people time and time again. There are times when i am learning about a person's experience in life and I am filled with emotion and the tears start to flow. The overwhelming feeling of that individuals pain and sadness consumes me and for a moment we share that energy...that moment. 

The ability to have the gift of empathy is quite possibly the only positive thing that came out of my traumatic childhood. 

The next time you see a homeless person begging for money I ask you to contemplate this: that maybe that person was not able to come out of the struggle and live a normal life. Try not to go to that dark place in your mind where you just see the homeless beggar as an alcoholic/drug addict who is doing nothing with their life. It is easy to judge when we do not know a person's personal struggle.